Amiga Games Extra 1996 June/Amiga Games Extra 1996 #6.iso/userbox/publicdomain/adagis v3.1/s/adagis.data.eng

Text File | 1996-03-06 | 107KB | 4,708 lines

>>Adagis<<
#
You can never tell the way the train went
by looking at the track.
#
Logic is a systematic method of confidently
coming to the wrong conclusion.
#
Technology is dominated by those who
manage what they cannot understand.
#
If builders built buildings the way
programmers wrotee programs then the first
woodpecker that came along would destroy
civilization.
#
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
#
Alls well that ends.
#
A meeting is an event where the hours are
lost
and the minutes are kept.
#
Any given program, when running, is
obsolete.
#
Real programmers don't make back-ups.
#
That's not a BUG!  It's a FEATURE!
#
Nothing motivates people more than seeing
management putting in an onest day's
work.
#
It's intuitively obvious!
#
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
#
When all else fails, read the instructions.
#
The degree of technical competence is
inversely proportional to the level of
management.
#
Build a system that a fool can use and only
a fool will use it.
#
The only perfect science is hind-sight.
#
Murphy was an optimist.
#
Any instrument when droped will always roll
to the most inaccessible corner.
#
I'd give my right arm to be ambidexterous
#
Let us say there are two types of poetical
minds.
One kind apt at inventing fables, and the
other disposed to believe them
Galileo Galilei
#
You can't have everything, Where would
you put it?
Steven Wright
#
May you live in interesting times
Chinese curse
#
Mankind cannot discover new oceans unless
it has the courage to lose sight of the
shore.
ndre Gide
#
Midnight shakes the memory as a madman
shakes a geranium
T. S. Eliot
#
We are the brave ones you and I ,Shaking
our fists at the darkness
#
Some people go through a forest and see
no firewood
nglish proverb
#
Imagination is more important than
knowledge
lbert Einstein
#
I have yet to see any prolem, however
complicated, which, when looked at in
the right way, did not become
still more complicated.
Poul Anderson.
#
He who defines the terms, wins the argument
Chinese proverb
#
The function of the expert is not to be more
right than other people, but to be wrong for
more sophisticated reasons.
#
Few things are harder to put up with than
the annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain
#
You can judge your age by the amount of
pain you feel when you come in contact
with a new idea.
John Nuveen
#
What we need is progress with an escape
hatch.
John Updike
#
Errors are not in art
Eugene O'Neill
#
Experts are people who don't know all the
answers but are sure that if they're given
enough money, they can find the answers.
Rex Fletcher
#
Better a diamond with a flaw, than a pebble
without.
Chinese proverb
#
If nobody said anything unless they knew
what they were talking about, a ghastly
hush would descend upon the earth
Sir Alan Herbert
#
He that's born to be hanged needn't fear
water.
Irish proverb
#
Drop the question of what tomorrow may
bring and count as profit every day that
Fate allows you
Horace
#
The closest a person ever comes to
perfection is when
they fill out a job application form
Stanley J. Randall
#
Space isn't remote at all.  It's only an hour's
drive away
if your car could go straight upwards
Sir Fred Hoyle
#
Growth for the sake of growth is the
ideology
of the cancer cell
 Edward Abbey
#
It would indeed be a tragedy if the history
of the human race proved to be nothing
more than the story of an ape playing with
matches
on a petrol dump
David Ormsby Gore
#
A person with one watch knows what time it
is, a person with two watches isn't sure.
#
We are an impossibility in an impossible
universe
Ray Bradbury
#
Old is always 15 years from now
#
If the world is covered in thorns,
you can cover the world  with leather or
make yourself some shoes
#
Never change working code!
English proverb
#
Imagination is more important than
knowledge
Albert Einstein
#
"join the army they said.. see the world
they said"
Asterix
#
"Mens sana in corpore sano, they said."
(Sound mind in a sound body)
Juvenal, Satires x.356 )
#
If you have to shoot, shoot.  Don't talk.
#
"If the truth were self-evident, eloquence
would be unnecessary."
Cicero, De Oritare
#
Things feel more like they do now than they
ever have before.
#
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the
first glass away free and charge five
dollars for the second glass.
The refill contained the antidote.
Emo Philips
#
"i, a knight of ghosts and
shadowssummoned to tourney am"
Twelve leagues beyond the wide world's
endI think it is no journey
#
"Liberty without obeidence is confusion, and
obeidence without liberty is slavery."
#
"I have never felt more alive than the
moment I was closest to death"
#
No one ever lost money underestimating
the taste of the American public.> Author:
Henry Louis Mencken
#
"It isn't pollution that's harming the
environment.  It's the impurities inour air
and water that are doing it."
J. Danforth Quayle
#
"I know of no safe repository of the
ultimate power of society but thepeople.
And if we think them not enlightened
enough, the remedy is not totake power
from them, but to inform them by
education."
#
The world owes all its onward impulses to
men ill at ease.  The happy manconfines
himself within ancient limits.
Nathaniel Hawthorne
#
In theory, there is no difference between
theory and practice,
but in practice, there is.
Author unknown
#
Democracy is a form of government in
which it is permitted to wonder aloud
what the country could do under firstclass
management.
SENATOR SOAPER
#
Democracy is also a form of worship.
It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.H.L.
MENCKEN
#
Democracy becomes a government of
bullies tempered by editors.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
#
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that
more than half of the people
are right more than half of the time.E.B.
WHITE
#
Democracy is the theory that the common
people know what they want and
deserve to get it good and hard.H.L.
MENCKEN
#
Our elections are free  it's in the results
where eventually we pay.
BILL STERN
#
A little government and a little luck are
necessary in life,
but only a fool trusts either of them.
P.J. O'ROURKE
#
Government investigations have always
contributed more to our amusement
than they have to our knowledge.
WILL ROGERS
#
Wherever you have an efficient government
you have a dictatorship.
HARRY S TRUMAN
#
"Democracy is a government where you can
say what you think even if you don't think."
Unknown
#
"The world is full of fools, and he who
would not see it should livealone and smash
his mirror."
Claude le Petite
#
"In politics, absurdity is not a handicap."
N. Buonaparte
#
"If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it
is still a foolishthing."Anatole France
#
"Public opinion polls are a window on
man's ignorance."rb
#
"Clarke's Second Law: The only way to
discover the limits of the possible is to go
beyond them into the impossible."
Arthur C. Clarke, "Technology and the Future"
#
"The ability to quote is a serviceable
substitute for wit."
 Maugham
#
"Imagination is more important than
knowledge." Einstein
#
"I'm a great lover... I bet.
#
"I'm from Downers Grove, Illinois. We had a
blackout there the other day, butfortuantely
the police made him get back into his car
before he got too far."EmoP
#
"A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass
record. I listened to it for five hoursbefore I
realized it had a scratch on it"EmoP
#
"Hey, you can't fight in here! This is the
war room!"
Dr. Strangelove
#
A Coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave
die but one.
#
If people behaved like governments, youd
call the cops.
#
Dolphins are so inteligent that within a few
weeks they can train
Amricans to stand at the edge of the pool
and throw them fish
#
Alexander saw the length and breadth of his
empire and he wept, because there were no
more worlds for him to conquer.
#
We should be careful not 2 make the
intelect our god;
it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no
personality.
Albert Einstein
#
You can not strengthen the weak by
weakening the strong.
#
More sweat in training, less blood in war.
Roman Axiom
#
Its not the work i enjoy, its the people i run
into.
Sydney Bus driver
#
A well adjusted person is one who makes
the same mistake twice without getting
nervous.
#
If U pick up a starving dog and make him
prosperous, he will not turn on you.
This is the principal difference between a
dog and a man.
Mark Twain
#
Ban the bomb, save the world for
conventional warfare.
#
If u can't dazzle them with brillance, riddle
them with bullets.
David Bedno
#
U cannot depend on your eyes when your
imagination is out of focus.
M. Twain
#
He is one of those people who would be
enormously improved by death.
H H Munro
#
If u only have a hammer, u tend 2 see
every problem as a nail.
Maslow
#
It`s not that i am afraid 2 die.  I just don`t
want 2 be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
#
if you are not ready to die then you are not
ready to live.
#
violent delights lead to violent ends
Romeo + Juliet
#
Two pepole may share the same office,
room or class for years
but may never know each other, while two
others who are seperated
by oceans, distance or other physical
barriers let nothing keep
them apart.
#
Lifes a banquet and most poor suckers are
starveing to death
#
we look before and after
and pine for what is not:
our sincerest laughter
with some pain is fraught;
our sweetest songs are those that tell
of saddest thoughts.
Shelley
#
The heart has reason that reason cannot
understand.
#
The wasp will still sting the tearful face
Japanese Folk Saying
#
Seems 2 me that a good many men want 2
make Angels of their wives
without first taking the trouble of making
Saints of themselves
Henry Lawson
#
Every little girl knows about love.  It is only
her capacity to
suffer for it that increases
Francoise Sagan
#
Thou lovers be lost, love will go on, and
death will have no dominion.
#
Love does not consist in gazing at each
other but in looking together in the same
direction.
A. de SaintExupery
#
I will lose a man but not a momment
Napeleon
#
Hate sometimes stands quite close to love.

God too stands often near to evil  like silent
chessmen  side by side.

Only the colour of the squares is different.
the Singer
#
The word Crying does not appear in the
Lexicon of heaven. It is
the only word in the Lexicon of hell.
The Singer
#
No person ever is so hopeless as the man in
whom joy and misery
sleep comfortably together.
The Singer
#
No physician can give health and happiness
to the man who enjoys his affliction.
For such a man health and happiness are
always contradictory.
The Singer
#
Vengence, noun.
1. Eye for Eye, Tooth for Tooth; a fair,
satisfying and rapid way to a sightless,
toothless world.
The Singer
#
Mercy (mer`se), noun.
1. The infrequent art of turning thumbs up
on
an old antagonist at the end of ones rapier.
The Singer
#
Decision is the key to destiney.
The Singer
#
It takes a breeze to make a banner speak
The Singer
#
It is better to believe than  dream.  For
dreams grow old and so do dreamers.
Dreamers
die but not believers.
The Singer
#
We seldom trust the fairy tales,
Until we gasp in claws and scales
The Singer
#
Science can change the compond state of
matter than it can its mind.
The Singer
#
Love is substance. Lust, illusion.
Only in the surge of pasion
do they mingle in confusion
The Singer
#
If Death and Life should ever wed, ther'd be
no dynasty. There house would fall.

For death would offer nothing. On his rigid
firm
demand that Life must give up all.
The Singer
#
Some cities die very fast, others very slow.
Ask Leningrad who was more blest.
They envied Hiroshima for her fireball from
the west.
The Singer
#
When there are too many crosses there are
none.
A drop of blood is ghastly.
A sea of blood accepted.
We weep above a single dying beast but
whistle
past a slauhterhouse.
The Singer
#
Creativity can sometimes be a curse.
Ask Dr. Frankenstein.
The Singer
#
The world is poor, because her fortunes lay
in Heaven, yet, all
her treasure maps are of the Earth.
The Singer
#
Hells logic consists in preventing murder
by murdering all murderers.
The Singer
#
Prayer is most real when we refuse to say
"Amen".
We most love Heaven when we will not end
our
conversations quickly.  Hell is filled with
those who found their "amens"
close at hand.
The Singer
#
Come to the court of God having eyes
unwashed
with dreams and you will see nothing.
The Singer
#
Conflict is the habit of the ages.
Wars amputees sire children eager to
mature
and take their bloody turn at death.
The Singer
#
Death is a confirmation of the believers
creed.
For the skeptic it is discovery, immense and
late.
The Singer
#
A generals principle talent is to know his
soldiers mentality and
gaining his confidence
Napoleon
#
It is with baubles that battles are won
Napoleon
#
He who dares wins.
He who hesitates is lost.
S.A.S motto
#
A faint heart can only ever win you a dull
and boring life.
#
Iam  not in the habit of looking at the
matter of a present, but
i am in the habit of looking at the spirit of
the gift.
Corner
#
Better to die on your feet, then to live on
your knees.
#
To live in fear is not to live at all.
#
No compromise, no regrets.
#
Everything in life is under our power of
choice,
but once the choice is made, we
become the servant to the choice.
#
Once you choose, you become the servant
of that choice.
#
A truce in war is like a tie in football -
nobody wins.
#
Ruthlessness with self is necessary.
#
Victory requires decisiveness in leaders,
ruthlesness in discipline, and
willingness to fight until the battle is
over and complete victory is won.
#
There is only real peace after total victory,
and little or none from a
negotiated compromise.
#
On life;
You may have been dealt a bad hand, but
even
with a bad hand you can bluff and win.
#
Winning isnt a sometimes thing,
Winning is an all time thing.
U dont win once in awhile,
U dont do good some of the time,
U do good all of the time,
Winning is a habit, but, sadly,
so is losing.
Vince Lombardi
#
Prey, the last refuge of a scoundrel.
#
Never put passion before principle,
even if u win, u lose.
#
Thers a sucker born every minute.
P.T.Barnham
#
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
T.S. Eliot from "Little Gidding"
#
The second rate soldier lives a life of
medoicrety and dies with regret.
The first rate soldier lives a life of
honor and dies with honor.
#
A computer virus is a disease.
Terrorism is a trangression.
Software piracy is a crime.
This is the cure.
BGS9/TTV1 Virus
#
Half measures in the face of revolution
leads to a failed revolution.
#
If u have faith in God,
the knife will not cut you.
If this faith gives u courage,
then the rock will no break u.
If this courage gives u a noble heart,
then the arrow will not catch u.
#
No matter where my body dies,
my heart will fly to that
brown and barren country.
#
The sinews of war are infinite money.
Cicero, Philipies, V.
#
An army raised without proper regard
to the choice of its recruits was
never made good by length of time.
Vegetus, On things Military, I.
#
What can be more terrible than a battle
at sea, in which both fire and water
unite for the destruction of the combatants.
Vegetus, On things Military, XIV.
#
The Roman soldier, bred in wars alarms,
bending with unjust loads and heavy arms,
chearful their toilsome marches undergo,
and pitch their sudden camps before the
foe.
Virgil.
#
A tale told by an idiot,
full of noise and fury.
Shakespeare.
#
The most important thing to learn in life, is
how to live.
There is nothing men are so anxious to keep
as life and
nothing they take so little pains to keep
well.
#
Life,
Life is short,
Art is long,
opportunity fleeting
experiment uncertain,
judgement difficult.
Hipocrates.
#
Fear of the Black Plague killed 5 men for
every 1 that the Plague killed.
#
GOD INVICTO.
#
drummer beat, and piper blow.
Harper strike, and soldier go.
free the flame and sear the grasses,
til the dawning red star pases.
#
experience is the mother of all knowledge.
madeleine L'Engle.
#
But the division of humanity into rulers and
ruled will always be unalterable.
George Orwell.
#
The needs of the many
      out way
the needs of the few.
#
No such thing as an atheaist on the
battlefield.
#
You cannot doubt that you doubt.
#
COD = Cougthup Or Die
#
Life can only be understood backwards,
but must be lived forwards.
#
Greedy lust and anger are enemies of the
soul.
All is clouded by desire.  As fire by smoke,
as a mirror by dust.
#
The secret to algebra is that X always = 5.
#
Heros ar not born, they are cornered.
#
An Imperial Chinese General commenting on
the usefulness of sending a force to fight
a  demon "It is as useless as sending an army
of moths against a flame."
#
Three things cannot come back:
the spoken word,
the spent arrow,
the neglected opportunity.
Omar Ibu Al Halif.
#
Success is:
Finding out what you would be;
then doing what you have to do
to become it.
Epitetus
#
Everyone lives a hundred lives,
but they live only one to remember.
Chinese proverb
#
Pay peanuts and you get monkeys.
#
Evil does not concern itself with
rights or hapiness: purpose is
its only determinant  The end, for
evil, always justifies the means.
#
In two days from today
tomorrow will be yesterday.
#
Do not question what you do not
believe becuse if you get an
answer you wont believe it.
#
Lifes something that happens when your
making plans.
#
before we set our hearts too much on
anything, let us examine how happy are
those who already possess it
La Rouche Foucauld
#
Education will never be as expensive as
ignorance.
Dennis Waitley
#
If you do not believe in yourself,
do not blame others for lacking
faith in you
Bernard Berensen
#
Humpty didnt fall.
He was pushed.
#
You are not a failure if you fall down,
but you are if you stay there.
Charles E. Wilson
#
A man who has committed a
mistake and does not correct
it, is committing a second
mistake.
Confucius.
#
Dont be afraid to go out on a limb.
Thats where the fruit is.
Dennis waitley
#
Judge men not by their opinions but
by what their opinions have made
of them
Georg Lichtenburg
#
Tell a man he is barve and
you help him to become so.
Thomas carlyle
#
The happiest people dont necessarily
have the best of everything.  They
just make the best of everything.
Lee Iaconna
#
The greatest waste of resources is the
number
of people who never achieve their potential.
darrell Royal
#
Doing your best is more important than
being
the best.
Dennis Waitley
#
My aim is to live forever,
or die trying
#
Hope is a good breakfast but
a bad supper
PJ Bailey
#
A wise man will make more opportunities
than he finds
PJ Bailey
#
I do not pray for opportunities, because
they will always come.  But i do pray that
i am ready for them.
#
Not to decide is to decide
#
No compromise, No regrets
#
A learned man is an idler who kills time by
study.
#
Duty is what one expects from others
#
Nights shadows are deepest to those who
walk
in the light
#
You can not find victory unless
you first understand defeat
richard Motta
#
A man who stands his ground,
but can not hold it, gets his
nose rubbed  in it
The Fonz
#
How can i fly like an Eagle,
when iam surrounded by Turkeys
#
In nuclear war all men are cremated equal
#
Sweet is victory, but bitter the cost
#
A life of ease is a difficult pursuit,
the less one has to do, the less time
one finds to do it in.
#
If you would keep a secret from an
enemy, tell it not to a friend
#
The books that everybody admires are
those that nobody reads
#
Vulgarity is the conduct of those
we do not like
#
A selfmade man is for ever
praising his creator
#
If a man could have half his wishes,
he would double his troubles.
#
To know what everybody knows is
to know nothing of value
#
Faith is not something to lean on,
its something to stand on.
#
You can not create experience,
you must undergo it.
#
If you kill imagination that is
long term suicide
#
To die 4 a religon is easier than
to live it absolutely.
#
If he poured his heart into a glass like wine,
she could drink and be back in time for
the morning papers.
#
Why is age more than a number when it
comes to love,
should we ask the ones who speculate,
but they dont know what its made off.
#
Should we ask the moonlight on your face,
or the rain drops in your hair,
should we ask the man that wrote it there
in
the morning papers.
#
the man who can not wonder is
but a pair of spectacles behind
which there are no eyes
#
He who has a why to live,
can bear any how
#
Only a mediocre person is
always at his best
#
It is always brave to say
what everyone thinks
#
To grow is to change.
To be perfect is to have changed often.
#
To escape critiism
Do nothing,
say nothing,
be nothing.
#
if you want a place in the sun,
you have to expect blisters.
#
the best thing about the future
is that it only comes one day
at a time.
#
By itself reality, per sê, is
not woth a thing, its perception
that promotes reality to meaning.
#
Where there is no freedom,
there is no respnsibility.
Where there is no responsibility,
there is no morality.
#
People who think they have all the answers,
probably haven`t heard the question.
#
The empty vessel makes the
loudest clang when dropped.
#
History is always repeating itself,
but each time the price goes up.
#
I may have been brought up in a slum,
but the slum was not brought up in me!
J.Jackson
#
A man who represents himself in court,
has a fool for a client.
#
You can not strengthen the weak,
by weakening the strong.
#
Those that forget th past are
doomed to repeat it.
#
If i know i'm going crazy,
i must not be insane.
#
What ever the human mind
can conceive and the human
heart belive in, can become
reality.
#
The division of humanity into rulers and
ruled will always be unalterable.
#
Who controls the past,
controls the future;
who controls the present,
controls the past.
#
If you're clever and sane enougth to put
up an invincinble case for suicide it
demonstrates you ought not die.
#
Beat the system, before it beats you.
#
It takes 50,000 nuts to put a car together,
but it takes only one nut to scatter them
all over the road.
#
If might is right  be right.
#
right is might
#
A man who has no knowledge of
history, is like a man who has
no eyes or ears.
#
Do no speak about wings  just fly.
#
We do not inherit the land from our
ancestors,
we borrow it from our children.
Native American Proverb.
#
A Hypocrit: Someone who sings one tune in
public,
but dances to another in private.
#
Loves not a game, its a battle;
you dont play, you fight.
#
May God be between you and harm in all
the empty
places you must travel
Egyptian Blessing
#
I will be with you right up to the end of the
age
Mathew 28:20
#
New:  Parts not interchangeable with previous
model.
#
Compatible:  Gracefully accepts erroneous data
from any source.
#
Define UNIVERSE; give two examples. The perceived
world: 1) mine, 2) yours.
#
Foolproof operation:  No provision for
adjustment.
#
Machine-independent:  Does not run on any
existing machine.
#
New:  Different color from previous model.
#
No maintenance:  Impossible to fix.
#
One size fits all:  Doesn't fit anyone.
#
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there
with him.
#
A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
#
A bug in the code is worth two in the
documentation.
#
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet
undetected.
#
A computer program does what you tell it to do,
not what you want it to do.
#
A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to
continue the flow of paper. -- Dyer
#
A day without orange juice is like a day without
orange juice.
#
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
-- Klipstein
#
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan
tomorrow.  -- Patton
#
A hacker does for love what others would not do
for money.  -- Creighton
#
A hammer sometimes misses its mark; a bouquet,
never.
#
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon
of gold.
#
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash
advance from Mom.
#
A king's castle is his home.
#
A man must not swallow more beliefs than he can
digest.  -- Havelock Ellis
#
A penny saved has not been spent.
#
A person forgives only when he is in the wrong.
#
A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of
tea.
#
A standard that no one follows is worse than
useless; it is a waste of time.
#
A system meant for common use should rarely need
uncommon knowledge.  -- Redford
#
A woman without a man is like a fish without a
bicycle.
#
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good
fantasy.
#
About all some men accomplish in life is to send
a son to Harvard.
#
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy
time is the dog.
#
Absolutum obsoletum.  @i(If it works, it's out of
date.)  -- Stafford Beer
#
Academy:  A modern school where football is
taught.
#
Actors will happen in the best-regulated
families.
#
Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.  (Add
little to little, get big pile.)
#
Admiration:  Our polite recognition of another's
resemblance to ourselves.
#
Adult:  A person that has stopped growing at both
ends but not in the middle.
#
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a
damn.
#
All great discoveries are made by mistake.  --
Young
#
All great ideas are controversial, or have been
at one time.
#
All in all it's just another brick in the wall...
#
All laws are simulations of reality.  -- John C.
Lilly
#
All life evolves by the differential survival of
replicating entities. -- Dawkins
#
All obstacles not foreseen will be tripped over.
#
All probabilities are really 50%.  Either a thing
will happen or it won't.
#
All programmers are playwrights and all computers
are lousy actors.
#
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
#
All the good ones are taken.  -- Harris
#
All the simple programs have been written, and
all the good names taken.
#
All we learn from history is that we learn
nothing from history.  -- Hegel
#
All you need to know is the user interface.  --
J. Redford
#
Ambiguity means telling the truth when you don't
mean to.
#
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone
call to the right person.
#
Amoebit:  Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply
and divide at the same time.
#
Among economists, the real world is often a
special case. -- Horngren
#
An example of hard water is ice.
#
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
#
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other
toys.  -- Van Roy
#
And that's the way it is...  -- Walter Cronkite
#
Anger kills.
#
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise
person to be able to sell it.
#
Any given program will expand to fill available
memory.
#
Any illusion requires both time and space to be
experienced.
#
Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
#
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell
belongs there.  -- Harris
#
Any program which runs right is obsolete.
#
Any smoothly functioning technology is
indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
#
Any smoothly functioning technology will have the
appearance of magic. -- Clarke
#
Any sufficiently advanced bug is
indistinguishable from a feature.
#
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a
second entry.
#
Anyone can make mistakes, but only an idiot
persists in his error.  -- Cicero
#
As far as we know, our computer has never had an
undetected error.  -- Weisert
#
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the
question is wrong?
#
As of next week, passwords will be entered in
Morse code.
#
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if God won't have
you, the devil must.
#
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, and pay only
station-to-station rates.
#
Asking whether machines can think is like asking
whether submarines can swim.
#
Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the
program readable.
#
Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
#
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet,
just avoid Fortran).
#
Avoid unnecessary branches.
#
Avoidable complexity should indeed be avoided.
#
Babies can't walk because their legs aren't long
enough to reach the ground.
#
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place
from side and bottom.
#
Be sure your ladder of success is leaning against
the right wall.  -- Dobson
#
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all
knowledge.  -- Goethe
#
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble
without.  -- Chinese proverb
#
Better clean death than dirty life.  -- Frank
Herbert
#
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
#
Beware of all enterprises that require new
clothes.
#
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for
they shall be known as wheels.
#
Brain fried - core dumped.
#
Business will be either better or worse.  --
Calvin Coolidge
#
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
#
Can anyone remember when the times were not hard,
and money not scarce?
#
Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?
Yes, work never begun.
#
Capitalism is the exploitation of one man by
another; socialism is the reverse.
#
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
#
Chemicals:  Noxious substances from which modern
foods are made.
#
Children become ready for toilet training and
independence at the same time.
#
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even
more unreliable.  -- Gilb
#
Computers talk to each other worse than their
designers do.
#
Computers... are not designed, as we are, for
ambiguity.  -- Thomas
#
Consultant:  Someone who knowns 101 ways to make
love, but can't get a date.
#
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you
are doing.
#
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
#
Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.
#
Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow
down.
#
Death is the one experience which we cannot put
in perspective afterwards.
#
Death:  To stop sinning suddenly.
#
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar
won't see his face.
#
Design a system any fool can use, and only a fool
will want to use it.
#
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines on
them and makes them perspire.
#
Diplomacy:  The art of saying nice doggie until
you can find a rock.
#
Disc space - the final frontier!
#
Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.
-- Finagle
#
Do not overtax your powers.
#
Do not take life too seriously; you will never
get out of it alive.
#
Do not think by infection, catching an opinion
like a cold.
#
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
#
Do, or do not; there is no try.
#
Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
#
Don't diddle code to make it faster; find a
better algorithm.
#
Don't document the program; program the document.
#
Don't eat the yellow snow.
#
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.  -- Anthony
#
Don't get stuck in a closet; wear yourself out.
#
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
#
Don't let the computer bugs bite!
#
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged
creature on your shoulder.  -- Spock
#
Don't mind him; politicians always sound like
that.
#
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to
him.
#
Don't stop at one bug.
#
Don't teach your children what to think; just
teach them to think. -- Tannenbaum
#
Don't use no double negatives, not never.
#
Don't Worry, Be Happy.  -- Meher Baba
#
Don't worry; the brontosaurus is slow, stupid,
and placid.
#
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said
nothing.
#
Ducks?  What ducks??
#
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any
college professor.
#
Enjoy life; you could have been a barnacle.
#
Established technology tends to persist in spite
of new technology.  -- Blaauw
#
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
#
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
#
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the
dark.
#
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
#
Every bug you find is the last one.
#
Every program is either trivial or it contains at
least one bug.
#
Every purchase has its price.
#
Everybody has something to conceal.  -- Humphrey
Bogart
#
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop
hacking and fall in love!
#
Everyone stays busy keeping other people busy.
#
Everything changes but change itself.   -- John
F. Kennedy
#
Everything expands to fill the available space.
#
Everything is actually everything else, just
recycled.
#
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited,
or taxed.
#
Everything you know is wrong!
#
Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.
-- Miller
#
Exercise extends your life ten years, but you
spend 15 of them doing it.
#
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
#
Experience:  Something you don't get until just
after you need it.  -- Olivier
#
Extraordinary people use their wisdom to avoid
the need for their skill.
#
Facts do not cease to exist because they are
ignored.
#
Failure is more frequently from want of energy
than want of capital.
#
Fighting for peace is like making love for
virginity.
#
Fill what's empty; empty what's full; scratch
where it itches. -- Longworth
#
Finagle's Law:  The perversity of the universe
tends toward a maximum.
#
Find an aim in life before you run out of
ammunition.  -- Arnold Glasow
#
Flying is the second greatest experience known to
man.  Landing is the first.
#
Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame
on me.  -- Scotti
#
For a good time, call 555-3100.
#
For every action, there is an equal and opposite
criticism.  -- Harrison
#
For every complex problem there is a solution
that is simple, neat, and wrong.
#
Friends:  People who borrow my books and set wet
glasses on them.
#
Friends:  People who know you well, but like you
anyway.
#
Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
#
Give me a lever long enough, and a place to
stand, and I'll break my lever.
#
Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not
collect $200.
#
God does not play dice with the universe.  --
Albert Einstein
#
Government expands to fill the available revenue,
and then some.
#
Gravity is what you get when you eat too much and
too fast.
#
Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is
never consistent.
#
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it
with others.
#
Happy-go-lucky people can only be happy when they
are lucky.
#
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.  -
- Daniel Dennett
#
Hate the sin and love the sinner.  -- Mahatma
Gandhi
#
Having children will turn you into your parents.
#
Having no security is better than thinking you
have security when you don't.
#
He is considered a most graceful speaker who can
say nothing in the most words.
#
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's
mishap.
#
He that would govern others, first should be the
master of himself.
#
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a
keyhole with both eyes.
#
He who dies with the most toys, wins.
#
He who has imagination without learning has wings
but no feet.
#
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
#
He who is still laughing hasn't yet heard the bad
news.  -- Bertolt Brecht
#
He who laughs, lasts.
#
He who lives without folly is less wise than he
believes.
#
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life
with a grain of TNT.
#
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is
wonder.  -- M. C. Escher
#
Heat expands: in the summer the days are longer.
#
Help!  I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
#
Hindsight is an exact science.
#
Honesty is better than lying.
#
Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has
landed.  -- Neil Armstrong
#
How do they get all those little metal bits on a
zipper to line up so well?
#
How long is a minute depends on which side of the
bathroom door you're on.
#
How long should a man's legs be?  Long enough to
reach the ground.  -- Lincoln
#
How many weeks are there in a light year?
#
How was Thomas J. Watson buried?  9 edge down.
#
How wonderful opera would be if there were no
singers.
#
How you look depends on where you go.
#
Humans are communications junkies.  We just can't
get enough.  -- Alan Kay
#
Humans are not rational beings; they are
rationalizing beings.
#
Humor is the best antidote to reality.
#
I am a computer - dumber than any human and
smarter than an administrator.
#
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and
a diploma for my mother.
#
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire
the problem.
#
I don't make much sense because the rest of the
world doesn't either.
#
I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the
game.  -- Cash McCall
#
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape
somewhere.
#
I like work; it fascinates me.  I can sit and
look at it for hours.
#
I love my job; it's the work I can't stand.
#
I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the
planet Earth.  -- Neil Armstrong
#
I suppose when it gets to that point, we shan't
know how it does it.  -- Turing
#
I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
-- Woody Allen
#
I will never lie to you.
#
I'm a Hollywood writer, so I put on a sports
jacket and take off my brain.
#
I've already told you more than I know.
#
If a program is useful, it must be changed.
#
If a program is useless, it must be documented.
#
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a
nut about success.
#
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a
programmer.
#
If at first you don't succeed, you probably
didn't really care anyway.
#
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it
is still a foolish thing.
#
If God had intended Man to program, we'd be born
with serial I/O ports.
#
If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would
have given you bigger hands.
#
If it pours before seven, it has rained by
eleven.
#
If it was easy, the hardware people would take
care of it.
#
If it works, don't fix it.  -- Sam Rayburn
#
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's
fortune.
#
If one hundred people do a foolish thing, one
will become injured.
#
If the master dies and the disciple grieves, the
lives of both have been wasted.
#
If the ship's not sinking, the rats must be the
ones not leaving.
#
If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.
-- John Sinclair
#
If we knew what the hell we were doing, then it
wouldn't be research.
#
If you are too busy to read, then you are too
busy.
#
If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
#
If you can distinguish between good and bad
advice, you don't need advice.
#
If you can't tell the difference, there is no
difference.
#
If you can't write it right, you can't think it
right.
#
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.  --
Truman
#
If you do something right once, someone will ask
you to do it again.
#
If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably
doesn't go anywhere.
#
If you haven't time to do it right now, how will
you redo it right later?
#
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll
break.  -- Schmidt
#
If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every
problem as a nail.  -- Maslow
#
If you seem to know what you are doing, you'll be
given more to do.
#
If you suspect a person, don't employ him.
#
If you think before you speak the other guy gets
his joke in first.
#
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his
brother-in-law.
#
Ignorance:  When you don't know anything, and
someone else finds out.
#
Ignore previous fortune.
#
Imagination is more important than knowledge.  --
Einstein
#
Imports are ports very far inland.
#
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take
every advantage of the enemy.
#
In success there's a tendency to keep on doing
what you were doing.  -- Alan Kay
#
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
#
Information that is hard to access is worth less
than none at all.
#
Innovation is hard to schedule.  -- Dan Fylstra
#
Institute:  An archaic school where football is
not taught.
#
Integrity has no need for rules.
#
Interchangeable parts won't.
#
Intolerance is a state no tolerant man can
tolerate.  -- McGinley
#
Is it time for lunch yet?
#
Is this really happening?
#
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your
calculations.
#
It is better to be on the ground wishing you were
flying, than vice versa.
#
It is not honest to be tactful.  -- Robert Taft
#
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
#
It's all in your mind, you know...
#
It's amazing how much one person can do, little
by little, over time.
#
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
#
It's better to die on your feet than to live on
your knees.
#
It's better to have loved and lost than just to
have lost.
#
It's better to wear out than to rust out.
#
It's difficult to be depressed while you're doing
something.
#
It's difficult to see the picture when you are
inside the frame.
#
It's easier to apologize than to ask permission.
-- Stewart
#
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to
live up to them.
#
It's easier to run down a hill than up one.
#
It's easier to take it apart than to put it back
together.  -- Washlesky
#
It's hell to work for a nervous boss, especially
if you're why he's nervous!
#
It's later than you think.
#
It's not reality that's important, but how you
perceive things.
#
It's ten o'clock; do you know where your
processes are?
#
It's the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
#
Just when you get going, someone injects a dose
of reality with a large needle.
#
Knowledge is better than ignorance.
#
Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack
of interest.
#
Last one out, turn off the computer!
#
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't
help either.
#
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not
the fountainheads.
#
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
#
Let the machine do the dirty work.
#
Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
#
Liberal:  Someone too poor to be a capitalist and
too rich to be a communist.
#
Life is a game of bridge - and you've just been
finessed.
#
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you
for a while.
#
Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
#
Life is like a fountain... I'll tell you how when
I figure it out.
#
Life is like a sewer... What you get out of it
depends on what you put into it.
#
Life is what happens to you while you're busy
making other plans.  -- J. Lennon
#
Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.
#
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is
time gone.
#
LISP:  To call a spade a thpade.
#
Logic doesn't apply to the real world.  -- Marvin
Minsky
#
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that
smells AWFUL.
#
Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for
independence.
#
Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of
saying BOOGA, BOOGA!
#
Love does not make the world go around, just up
and down a bit.
#
Love truth, pardon error.  -- Voltaire
#
Make input easy to proofread.
#
Make it right before you make it faster.
#
Make sure all variables are initialized before
use.
#
Make sure comments and code agree.
#
Make sure your code does nothing gracefully.
#
Making rules is easy, but living by them is
virtually impossible.
#
Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras
have black stripes.
#
Man belongs wherever he wants to go.  -- Wernher
von Braun
#
Man is the measure of all things.  -- Protagoras
#
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass
makes spectacle of self.
#
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
#
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get
to do the choosing.
#
Many are called; few volunteer.
#
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
#
Many pages make a thick book.
#
Many receive advice; few profit from it.
#
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to
its value.
#
May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous
spouse.
#
May you live all the days of your life.
#
Measure with a micrometer; mark with chalk; cut
with an axe.  -- Ray
#
Men still remember the first kiss after women
have forgotten the last.
#
Minds are like parachutes; they only function
when fully open. -- Sir James Dewar
#
Modesty:  Being comfortable that others will
discover your greatness.
#
Momentum is what you give a person when they are
going away.
#
Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy
love.
#
Never attribute to malice that which is
adequately explained by stupidity.
#
Never buy from a rich salesman.  -- Goldenstern
#
Never insult an alligator until you have crossed
the river.
#
Never invest your money in anything that eats or
needs repainting.
#
Never test for an error condition you don't know
how to handle.  -- Steinbach
#
Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
#
Never volunteer for anything.  -- Lackland
#
Never write software that anthropomorphizes the
machine.
#
Never write software that patronizes the user.
#
Nice computers don't go down.
#
No man is good enough to govern another without
that others' consent. -- Lincoln
#
No matter what goes wrong, there's always someone
who knew it would.
#
No matter what we are talking about, we are
talking about ourselves.  -- Prather
#
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a
sick goldfish.
#
No one really knows the detailed workings of
everything around them.  -- Redford
#
No one understands everything, and no one needs
to.  -- J. Redford
#
No program done by a hacker will work unless he
is on the system.
#
No program done by an undergrad will work after
she graduates.
#
No question is so difficult as that to which the
answer is obvious.
#
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
#
Non Illegitemus Carborundum.  (Don't let the
bastards wear you down.)
#
Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through
it.  -- Heisenberg
#
Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
#
Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to
be understood.
#
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't
have to do it himself.  -- Weller
#
Obstacles are what you see when you take your
eyes off your goal.
#
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the
most fatal.
#
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax
abatement.
#
Old programmers never die; they just branch to a
new address.
#
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve
it makes it worse.
#
One big pile is better than two little piles.  --
Arlo Guthrie
#
One meets her destiny often on the road she takes
to avoid it.
#
One more such victory, and we are lost.  --
Pyrrus
#
One of the nice things about standards is that
there are so many of them.
#
One of these days is none of these days.
#
One person tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it
as true.
#
One person's error is another person's data.
#
One thing leads to another, and usually does.
#
Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm
saying.  -- Baba Ram Dass
#
Out of the mouths of babes does often come
cereal.
#
Packrat's credo:  I have no use for it, but I
hate to see it go to waste.
#
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or
both of them.
#
People only notice squeaky wheels.
#
People think love is an emotion.  Love is good
sense.  -- Ken Kesey
#
People who deal with bits should expect to get
bitten.  -- Jon Bentley
#
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a
cat's cradle.
#
Performance is easier to add than clarity.
#
Pictures worth a thousand words take ten thousand
times as long to draw.
#
Politics consists of deals and ideals.
#
Possessions create pain.
#
Possessions increase to fill the space available
for their storage.  -- Ryan
#
Power is poison.
#
Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
#
Professor:  One who talks in someone else's
sleep.
#
Programmers do it bit by bit.
#
Programming just with goto's is like swatting
flies with a sledgehammer.
#
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the
clock instead of the sword.
#
Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
#
Puritan:  Someone who is deathly afraid that
someone somewhere is having fun.
#
Put not your trust in money, but put your money
in trust.
#
Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
#
Quit working and play for once!
#
Random access is the optimum of the mass
storages.
#
Reading is thinking with someone else's head
instead of one's own.
#
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the
body.
#
Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.
#
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
#
Remember that there is an outside world to see
and enjoy.  -- Hans Liepmann
#
Remember the good old days, when CPU was
singular?
#
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
#
Remember:  10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
#
Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a
common function.
#
Save energy:  Drive a smaller shell.
#
Say no, then negotiate.  -- Helga
#
Scotty, beam me up a double!
#
She walks as if balancing the family tree on her
nose.
#
Sign on bank:  FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY
MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT.
#
Simple jobs always get put off because there will
be time to do them later.
#
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which
fits them all.
#
Slang:  Language that doffs its coat, spits on
its hands, and goes to work.
#
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
#
Some of us learn from other peoples' errors.  The
rest must be the other people.
#
Sometimes it takes wisdom to stop beating your
head against the wall.
#
Space is to place as eternity is to time.  --
Joseph Joubert
#
Spinster:  A bachelor's wife.
#
Spock:  We suffered 23 casualties in that attack,
Captain.
#
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest
of face also upside down.
#
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next
to you.
#
Strategy is when you keep firing so the enemy
doesn't know you're out of ammo.
#
Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is
crud.
#
Success is a journey, not a destination.
#
System-independent:  Works equally poorly on all
systems.
#
Tact is the art of making a point without making
an enemy.
#
Technology is no more of a problem now than it
has always been.  -- J. Redford
#
Telepathy:  Knowing what people think when really
they don't think at all.
#
That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at
all.
#
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is
it good for the bee.
#
That's one small step for a man; one giant leap
for mankind.  -- Neil Armstrong
#
The attention span of a computer is only as long
as its power cord.
#
The best prophet of the future is the past.
#
The biggest mistake is not learning from all your
other mistakes.
#
The climate of Bombay is such that its
inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
#
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword,
and usually, the programmer.
#
The difference between a good haircut and a bad
one is seven days.
#
The early worm gets the late bird.
#
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
#
The famous politician was trying to save both his
faces.
#
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to
save all the parts.  -- Ehrlich
#
The first version always gets thrown away.
#
The following statement is not true...
#
The future isn't what it used to be.  (It never
was.)
#
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
#
The grass is always greener on the other side of
your sunglasses.
#
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of
none.
#
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
#
The less time planning, the more time
programming.
#
The most exhausting thing in life is being
insincere.  -- Anne Morrow Lindberg
#
The most incomprehensible thing about the world
is that it is comprehensible.
#
The most wasted day of all is that in which we
have not laughed.
#
The one who says it can't be done should never
interrupt the one doing it.
#
The only food for thought is more thought.  --
Peter Ustinov
#
The only problem with seeing too much is that it
makes you insane.  -- Phaedrus
#
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and
fall on an icy pavement.
#
The opposite of a profound truth may well be
another profound truth.  -- Bohr
#
The optimum committee has no members.  -- Norman
Augustine
#
The person who makes no mistakes does not usually
make anything.
#
The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless
forests.
#
The present time has one advantage over every
other.  It is our own.  -- Colton
#
The program is absolutely right; therefore, the
computer must be wrong.
#
The Pyramids are a range of mountains between
France and Spain.
#
The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas
closer together.  -- Lichtenburg
#
The solution to a problem changes the nature of
the problem.  -- Peer
#
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you
have to catch up.  -- Stenderup
#
The speed of anything depends on the flow of
everything.
#
The speed of light is defined to be EXACTLY
299,792,458 meters per second.
#
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to
because it made men think.
#
The three best ways to get where you want to go
are:  persist, persist, persist.
#
The time is right to make new friends.
#
The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains
fruitless.  -- Hosea Ballou
#
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but
noble fruit tastes bad.
#
The universe is laughing behind your back.
#
The unknown always passes for the marvelous.  --
Tacitus
#
The value of a program is proportional to the
weight of its output.
#
The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun
sets later.
#
The wise person writes bomb-proof code.
#
The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR
BUFFERS!!
#
There are always at least two ways to program the
same thing.
#
There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
#
There are no accidents whatsoever in the
universe.  -- Baba Ram Dass
#
There are no answers, only cross-references.  --
Weiner
#
There can never be a computer language in which
you can't write a bad program.
#
There is nothing new except what has been
forgotten.  -- Marie Antoinette
#
There is safety in anonymity.
#
There's a whole WORLD in a mud puddle!  -- Doug
Clifford
#
There's an old proverb that says just about
whatever you want it to.
#
There's got to be more to life than compile-and-
go.
#
There's no heavier burden than a great potential.
#
There's no problem which, when programmed just
right, isn't more complicated.
#
There's no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
#
There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some
anxiety always goes with it.
#
There's so much to say but your eyes keep
interrupting me.
#
Things are more like they are now than they ever
were before.  -- Eisenhower
#
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each
other.
#
Think globally; act locally.  -- Rene Dubos
#
Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself.
-- Plato
#
This fortune is encrypted - get your decoder
rings ready!
#
This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
#
This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in
excess memory.
#
This fortune was brought to you by the people at
Hewlett-Packard.
#
This screen intentionally left blank.
#
Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.
Those who cannot teach, HACK!
#
Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
#
Those who know, do not say; those who say, do not
know.
#
Those who learn nothing from history are doomed
to repeat it.  -- Santayana
#
Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk,
know.
#
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the
manufacturers of space.
#
Time is nature's way of making sure that
everything doesn't happen at once.
#
To communicate is the beginning of understanding.
-- AT&T
#
To criticize the incompetent is easy; to
criticize the competent is harder.
#
To err is human.  To blame someone else for your
errors is even more human.
#
To err is human; to really foul things up
requires a computer.
#
To extend your limits, you must push them... and
it often hurts.
#
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile
of junk.  -- Thomas Edison
#
To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
#
To keep milk from turning sour you should keep it
in the cow.
#
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of
fools.
#
To love is wise; to hate is foolish.  -- Bertrand
Russell
#
To teach is to learn.
#
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
#
Today is the last day of the past of your life.
#
Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
#
Too clever is dumb.  -- Ogden Nash
#
Too much is not enough.
#
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by
nursing.
#
Truly simple systems ... require infinite
testing.  -- Norman Augustine
#
Truthful:  Dumb and illiterate.
#
Try not to let implementation details sneak into
design documents.
#
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the
week.
#
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every
garage.
#
Two is not equal to three, even for large values
of two.
#
Two men look out through the same bars; one sees
mud, and one the stars.
#
Two wrongs are only the beginning.  -- Kohn
#
UNIX is many things to many people, but it's
never been everything to anybody.
#
Use free-form input where possible.
#
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental
structure.
#
Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE... to
implement multi-way branches.
#
Use it or lose it.
#
Use the simplest solution which suffices.
#
Values are caught, not taught.  -- Dobson
#
Very few profundities can be expressed in less
than 80 characters.
#
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
#
Volcano:  A mountain with hiccups.
#
We all have style, but few have class.
#
We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a
glowworm.  -- Winston Churchill
#
We are the people our parents warned us about.
#
We are what we pretend to be.  -- Kurt Vonnegut,
Jr.
#
We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.
-- Yates
#
We can't change, but we can expand.  -- Nelson
#
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's
for sure.  -- Richard Nixon
#
We do not remember days; we remember moments.
#
We don't know who discovered water, but we're
certain it wasn't a fish.
#
We interrupt this fortune for an important
announcement...
#
What a strange game.  The only winning move is
not to play.  -- WOPR, War Games
#
What excuses stand in your way?  How can you
eliminate them?  -- Roger von Oech
#
What happens when you cut back the jungle?  It
recedes.
#
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
#
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of
asking somebody to do it.
#
What one believes to be true either is true or
becomes true.  -- John Lilly
#
What sin has not been committed in the name of
efficiency?
#
What this country needs is a good five-cent
microcomputer.
#
What we cannot speak about we must pass over in
silence.  -- Wittgenstein
#
When cutting down trees, remember to pause now
and then to sharpen your axe.
#
When it comes to helping you, some people stop at
nothing.
#
When sex is good, it's only 2% of a marriage; but
when it's bad, it's 98%.
#
When the need arises, anything within reach
becomes a hammer.
#
When you breathe you inspire.  When you do not
breathe you expire.
#
When you don't talk, things get awfully quiet.  -
- Martha Hartly
#
When you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen
them all.
#
Where is Denver?  Denver is just below the O in
Colorado.
#
Where pain predominates, agony can be a valued
teacher.  -- Frank Herbert
#
Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the
hell alone?  -- Jimmy Durante
#
Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
#
With clothes the new are best; with friends the
old are best.
#
Words are the voice of the heart.
#
Words must be weighed, not counted.
#
Work expands to fill the time allotted to it.  --
Parkinson
#
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with
the net down.
#
Yo-yo:  Something occasionally up but normally
down (see also computer).
#
You always find what you're looking for in the
last place you look.
#
You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.  --
Philip Whalen
#
You are the only authority on what is best for
you.  -- Hugh Prather
#
You are young only once, but you have a lifetime
to be immature.
#
You can always pick up your needle and move to
another groove.  -- Tim Leary
#
You can never do just one thing.  -- Hardin
#
You can rent this profound space for only $5 a
week.
#
You can't fall off the floor.  -- Paul
#
You can't have everything.  Where would you put
it?
#
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
-- Thoreau
#
You could be playing a video game instead.
#
You don't have to know how the computer works,
just how to work the computer.
#
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to
most computers.
#
You know it's going to be a bad day when you
forget your new password.
#
You may not be responsible for falling down, but
you are for getting back up.
#
You only live once but, if you live right, once
is enough.
#
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
#
You're not paranoid if they're really after
you...
#
Your education begins where what is called your
education is over.
#
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just
now).
#
Your mind understands what you have been taught;
your heart, what is true.
#
A huge green fierce snake bars your way!
#
Complexity increases the possibility of failure
#
A twin-engine airplane has twice as many engine
problems

as a single-engine airplane.
#
Put all your eggs in one basket, after making

sure that you've built a really *good* basket.
#
ATTENTION

This room is fullfilled mit special electronische
equippment.  Fingergrabbing and pressing the
cnoeppkes from the computers is allowed for die
experts only!  So all the "lefthanders" stay away
and do not disturben the brainstorming von here
working intelligencies.  Otherwise you will be
thrown out and kicked anderswhere!  Also: please
keep still and only watchen astaunished the
blinkenlights.
#
This cookie has no hidden meaning
#
"This cookie sucks" - "Shut up Beavis!  It gets
cool in a minute"
#
Q: How many assholes does it take to change a
lighbulb?

A: None; assholes never see the light anyway.
#
Keyboard missing - press F3 to continue

-- Message seen on an Apricot PC
#
I saw Elvis.  He sat between Bigfoot and me in
the UFO
#
I.B.M. : Inferior But Marketable
#
Computers do what you tell them to do, not what
you want them to do.
#
Never test for an error condition you don't know
to handle
#
Don't beam me up yet Scotty... I'm having a
Sh..i...i....i
#
Time is like money... You never have enough
#
Windows would even crash the Borg!
#
A bad random number generator:  1, 1, 1, 1, 1,
4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
#
Don't do this at home - do it at someone else's!
#
The real answer is always hidden.
#
I really don't think that these cookies are
random.
#
9 out of 10 cats prefer hamsters
#
Isn't this a Commodore machine?  No, it's an
Amiga!
#
Please do not disturb - I'm disturbed enough
already
#
Adding manpower to a late software project makes
it later. -- Fred Brooks
#
When in doubt, use brute force.  -- Ken Thompson
#
MS-DOS 2.0 used \ as a path separator to be bug-
compatible with some cretin's choice of / as an
option character in 1.0.
#
Mess-DOS - Just say No!
#
Do androids dream of electric sheep?
#
I WANT A COOKIE!
#
NAME

    ColdReboot

FUNCTION

    Reboot the machine.  (..)

    This function never returns.

INPUT

    A chaotic pile of disoriented bits.

RESULTS

    An altogether totally integrated living
system.



-- RKRM Libraries & Autodocs
#
You have to forget about what other people say,
when you're supposed to die, or when you're
supposed to be loving.  You have to forget about
all these things.  You have to go on and be
crazy.  Craziness is like heaven.

-- Jimi Hendrix
#
The story

of life is quicker

than the wink of an eye

The story of love

is hello and goodbye

Until we meet again

-- Jimi Hendrix
#
If I don't meet you no more in this world

Then I'll see you in the next one.

Don't be late

-- Jimi Hendrix
#
Future Product: TRAPEZOID - A device for catching
zoids.
#
Gelb's laws:

1.  You can't win.

2.  You can't break even.

3.  You can't even quit the game.
#
Genetics explains why you look like your father,
and if you don't why you should.
#
Give a man a computer program and you give him a
headache, but teach him to program computers and
you give him the power to create headaches for
others for the rest of his life...

-- R. B. Forest
#
Give me a fish and I will eat today.

Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
#
Good morning, this is the telephone company.  Due
to repairs, we're giving you advance notice that
your service will be cut off indefinitely at ten
o'clock - that's two minutes from now.
#
Green's Law of Debate:

Anything is possible if you do not know what you
are talking about.
#
Gumperson's Law:

The probability of a given event occurring is
inversely proportional to its desirability.
#
Guns don't kill people - bullets do.
#
Hackers do it with bugs.
#
Half the things that people do not succeed in,
are through fear of making the attempt...

-- James Northcote
#
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with
sadness and confusion.
#
Harrison's postulate:

For every action, there is an equal and opposite
criticism.
#
He who believes the past cannot be changed has
not yet written his memoirs.
#
He who falls in love with himself will have no
rivals.
#
He who knows others is wise.  He who knows
himself is enlightened.
#
He who knows that enough is enough will always
have enough.
#
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand
the joke.
#
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
#
He who reads many fortunes gets confused.
#
He who says disk space is free, thinks money
grows on directory tree.
#
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at
which one can die.
#
Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop
making it.
#
Hey what? Where? When? (Are you confused as I
am?)
#
History does not repeat itself, historians merely
repeat each other.
#
History repeats itself; historians repeat each
other.
#
Hors d'oeuvres - a ham sandwich cut into forty
pieces.
#
How did a fool and his money get together in the
first place?
#
How high I am

How much I see

How far I reach

Depends on me
#
How people try to avoid work, and how well some
of them succeed...

-- Willian Feather
#
Hyphenate between syllables and avoid un-
necessary hyphens.
#
I am more bored than you could ever possibly be.
Go back to work.
#
I have never let my schooling interfere with my
education.
#
I know that you believe you understand what you
think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that
what you heard is not what I meant.
#
I really hate this stupid machine.  It never does
what I want, but only what I tell it.
#
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
#
I think, therefore I am paid.
#
I think, therefore I am.  I think.
#
If a tool is put away when you're sure it won't
be needed again, it will.  Soon.
#
If an experiment works, you must be using the
wrong equipment.
#
If anything can go wrong, it will.
#
If at first you don't succeed, give up.  No use
being a damn fool.
#
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about
average.
#
If bankers can count, how come banks have 8
windows, but only 4 tellers?
#
If computers become to powerful we can organize
them into a committee.  That'll do them in.
#
If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something.
#
If God had wanted use to go naked we would have
been born that way.
#
If I cannot befuddle you with brilliance, I will
baffle you with bullshit...
#
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
#
If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
#
If it happens, it must be possible.
#
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
#
If it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed
replacement anyway.
#
If it looks easy, it's tough.  If it looks tough,
it's damn well impossible.
#
If it wasn't so cool out today, it would be
warmer.
#
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be
cooler.
#
If more than one person is responsible for a bug,
no one is at fault.
#
If someone gives you a lemon, make lemonade...  -
- D. Woodhouse
#
If the facts do not conform to your theory, they
must be disposed of.
#
If the opposite of "pro" is "con", then what's
the opposite of "progress"?
#
If there is no wind, row.
#
If things appear to be going well, you have
overlooked something.
#
If voting could really change the system, it
would be against the law...
#
If you are the shopkeeper you can take things for
free.
#
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy
doing it badly.
#
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
#
If you fool around with something long enough, it
will eventually break.
#
If you have nothing to say, please only say it
once|
#
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw
it away.
#
If you put garbage into a computer, you get
garbage out.  But this garbage having passed
through a very expensive, sophisticated, and
logical machine is somehow ennobled and no one
dare question it.
#
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
#
If you reread your work, you will find on
rereading that a great deal of repetition can be
avoided by rereading and editing.
#
If you sold tombstones, no one would die.
#
If you sold umbrellas, it would never rain.
#
If you thought yesterday was bad, wait till you
see what happens today.
#
If you treat people right they will treat you
right; 90 per cent of the time.
#
If you're feeling good, don't worry; you'll get
over it.
#
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to
his level of incompetence.
#
In our funny language, we generally say it's
'rush hour' when the traffic is at a standstill.
#
In the stairway of life, you'd best take the
elevator.
#
Inside every large problem, there is a small
problem trying to get out.
#
Is this a machine?  I don't talk to machines|
*Click*
#
It could be worse - it might be raining.
#
It is a miracle that curiousity survives formal
education...

-- Albert Einstein
#
It is always the partner's fault.
#
It is fortune, not wisdom, that rules man's life.
#
It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because fools are so ingenious.
#
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you
know nothing about the problem.
#
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
#
It is not every question that deserves an answer.
#
Jim, it's Jack, I'm at the airport.  I'm going to
Tokyo and wanna pay you the five-hundred I owe
you.  Catch you next year when I get back!
#
Jim, this is Matty down at Ralph's and Mark's.
Some guy named Angel Martin just ran up a fifty
buck bar tab, and now he wants to charge it to
you.  You gonna pay it?
#
Jim?  It's Grace at the bank.  I checked your
Christmas Club account.  You don't have five
hundred dollars; you have fifty.  Sorry, computer
foul-up!
#
Jim?  It's Maria over at the laundromat.  There's
a yellow dress in with your things.  Is that a
mistake, or special handling, or what?
#
Jury - Twelve people who determine which client
has the better lawyer.
#
Just below any trapdoor there may be another one.
Just keep falling!
#
Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
#
Keep grandmas off the street - legalize bingo.
#
Knowledge is power.
#
Labour to keep alive in your breast that little
spark of celestial fire called conscience...

-- George Washington
#
Law of examinations:

1.  If you are given an open book exam you will
forget your book.

2.  If you are given a take home exam you will
forget where you live.
#
Law school maxim:

Those who get A's become professors.

Those who get B's become judges.

All the rest make the money.
#
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to
worse.
#
Let's just be friends and make no special effort
to ever see each other again.
#
Life is like an onion - you peel off layer after
layer, and find nothing in it.
#
Liquor sellers do not drink; they hate to see you
twice.
#
Live every day like it's your last because
someday you'll be right.
#
Look under the sofa cushion; you will be
surprised at what you find.
#
Lynch's Law:  When the going gets tough, everyone
leaves.
#
Machines should work; people should think.
#
Make three consecutive correct guesses and you
will be considered an expert.
#
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket
bibles on very thin paper.
#
May your next romantic encounter be interrupted
by a large nuclear explosion.
#
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College
of Theology.
#
Military intelligence is a contradiction of
terms.
#
Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your
halfbreed interference.
#
Misfortune:  the kind of fortune that never
misses.
#
Money is the root of all evil, and everyone needs
roots.
#
Murphy was an optimist.
#
Never do today what you can put off until
tomorrow.
#
Never test for an error condition you don't know
how to handle.
#
(1) Everything depends.

(2) Nothing is always.

(3) Everything is sometimes.
#
$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will
become $100,000, at which time it will be worth
absolutely nothing.

-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
#
355/113 - Not the famous irrational number PI,
but an incredible simulation!
#
43rd Law of Computing:

Anything that can go wr

fortune: Segmentation violation - Core dumped
#
99 blocks of crud on the disk,

99 blocks of crud!

You patch a bug, and dump it again:

100 blocks of crud on the disk!



100 blocks of crud on the disk,

100 blocks of crud!

You patch a bug, and dump it again:

101 blocks of crud on the disk! ...
#
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better
and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to
please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

-- Mahatma Ghandi
#
A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice
at one end and no responsibility at the other.
#
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella
when the sun is shining and wants it back the
minute it begins to rain.

-- Mark Twain
#
... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and
you notice that you have turned into a pile of
dust.
#
A budget is just a method of worrying before you
spend money, as well as afterward.
#
A celebrity is a person who is known for his
well-knownness.
#
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to
fight for democracy, but won't cross the street
to vote in a national election.

-- Bill Vaughan
#
A city is a large community where people are
lonesome together

-- Herbert Prochnow
#
A classic is something that everybody wants to
have read and nobody wants to read.

-- Mark Twain
#
A computer, to print out a fact,

Will divide, multiply, and subtract.

But this output can be

No more than debris,

If the input was short of exact.

-- Gigo
#
A consultant is a person who borrows your watch,
tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and
sends you a bill for it.
#
A day without sunshine is like night.
#
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to
hell in such a way that you will look forward to
the trip.
#
A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher
as he was eating his morning meal.  "I would like
to give you this personality test", said
outsider, "because I want you to be happy."
Drescher took the paper that was offered him and
put it into the toas

ter - "I wish the toaster to be happy too".
#
A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist
were arguing about whose profession was the
oldest.  In the course of their arguments they
got all the way back to the Garden of Eden,
whereupon the doctor said, "The medical
profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was
made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that
was a simply incredible surgical feat."



The architect did not agree.  He said, "But if
you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning
there was chaos and void, and out of that, the
Garden and the world were created.  So God must
have been an architect."



The computer scientist, who had listened to all
of this said, "Yes, but where do you think the
chaos came from?"
#
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and
won't change the subject.

-- Winston Churchill
#
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
#
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant:
first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip
away everything that doesn't look like an
elephant.
#
A free society is one where it is safe to be
unpopular.  -- Adlai Stevenson
#
A great many people think they are thinking when
they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

-- William James
#
A language that doesn't affect the way you think
about programming is not worth knowing.
#
A Law of Computer Programming:

Make it possible for programmers to write in
English and you will find the programmers cannot
write in English.
#
A Los Angeles judge ruled that "a citizen may
snore with immunity in his own home, even though
he may be in possession of unusual and
exceptional ability in that particular field."
#
A lot of people I know believe in positive
thinking, and so do I.  I believe everything
positively stinks.

-- Lew Col
#
A mathematician is a machine for converting
coffee into theorems.
#
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air
Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands
have devised what they consider a marvelous new
game.  Noting that the local penguins are
fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a
beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly
along it at the water's edge.  Perhaps ten
thousand penguins turn their heads in unison
watching the planes go by, and when the pilots
turn around and fly back, the birds turn their
heads in the opposite direction, like spectators
at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the paper
reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly
to the penguin colony and overfly it.  Heads go
up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over
gently onto their backs.

-- Audobon Society Magazine
#
A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his
donkey.  "It is out on loan," the teacher
replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed
loudly inside the stable.  "But I can hear it
bray, over there."  "Whom do you believe," asked
Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
#
A New York City judge ruled that if two women
behind you at the movies insist on discussing the
probable outcome of the film, you have the right
to turn around and blow a Bronx cheer at them.
#
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
#
A penny saved is ridiculous.
#
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling

by Mark Twain



For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c"
would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or
"s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of
the alphabet.  The only kase in which "c" would
be retained would be the "ch" formation, which
will be dealt with later.  Year 2 might reform
"w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would
take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well
abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4
might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.



Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue
iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless
double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so
modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and
unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud
fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant
letez "c", "y" and "x" - bai now jast a memori in
the maindz ov ould doderez - tu riplais "ch",
"sh", and "th" rispektivli.



Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl
riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in
ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
#
A professor is one who talks in someone else's
sleep.
#
"A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today.
The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of
course, one raccoon."

-- Steel City News
#
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking
ticket and rejoices that the system works.
#
A real person has two reasons for doing anything
... a good reason and the real reason.
#
A recent study has found that concentrating on
difficult off-screen objects, such as the faces
of loved ones, causes eye strain in computer
concentration needed to "make sense" of such
unnatural three dimensional objects ...
#
A successful [software] tool is one that was used
to do something undreamed of by its author.

-- S. C. Johnson
#
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will
protect the fuse by blowing first.
#
A well adjusted person is one who makes the same
mistake twice without getting nervous.
#
"A witty saying proves nothing."  -- Voltaire
#
According to Kentucky state law, every person
must take a bath at least once a year.
#
According to the latest official figures, 43% of
all statistics are totally worthless.
#
According to the obituary notices, a mean and
unimportant person never dies.
#
ACHTUNG!!!

Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und
mittengrabben.  Ist easy schnappen der
springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fur gewerken by das
dummkopfen.  Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen
hands in das pockets.  Relaxen und vatch das
blinkenlights!!!
#
Adolescence, n.:

The stage between puberty and adultery.
#
Adult, n.:

One old enough to know better.
#
Advertising is a valuable economic factor because
it is the cheapest way of selling goods,
particularly if the goods are worthless.

-- Sinclair Lewis
#
After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of
Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part
of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc.
These pioneers conducted many important
electrical experiments.  For example, in 1780
Luigi Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that
when he attached two different kinds of metal to
the leg of a frog, an electrical current
developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though
it was no longer attached to the frog, which was
dead anyway.  Galvani's discovery led to enormous
advances in the field of amphibian medicine.
Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a
frog that has been seriously injured or killed,
implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch
it hop back into the pond just like a normal
frog, except for the fact that it sinks like a
stone.

-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
#
After an instrument has been assembled, extra
components will be found on the bench.
#
After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being
expelled from Heaven.  As he passed through the
Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned
to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I
hear, is soon to be created."

- "This is true," He replied.

- "He will need laws," said the Demon slyly.

- "What!  You, his appointed Enemy for all Time!
You ask for the right to make his laws?"

- "Oh, no!"  Satan replied, "I ask only that he
be allowed to make his own."

It was so granted.

-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been
removed from an access cover, it will be
discovered that the wrong access cover has been
removed.
#
Afternoon, n.:

That part of the day we spend worrying about how
we wasted the morning.
#
Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio,
replied: "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a
very, very long cat.  You pull his tail in New
York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do
you understand this?  And radio operates exactly
the same way: you send signals here, they receive
them there.  The only difference is that there is
no cat."
#
All extremists should be taken out and shot.
#
All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the
simple art of doing without thinking.
#
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't
make me happy.
#
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and
unlimited power

-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#
All the big corporations depreciate their
possessions, and you can, too, provided you use
them for business purposes.  For example, if you
subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-
related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of
your house, because, in the words of U.S. Supreme
Court Chief Justice Warren Burger in a landmark
1979 tax decision: "Where else are you going to
read the paper?  Outside?  What if it rains?"

-- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
#
All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average
American are spent by the government in less than
a second.

-- Jim Fiebig
#
All the world's a VAX,

And all the coders merely butchers;

They have their exits and their entrails;

And one int in his time plays many widths,

His sizeof being N bytes.  At first the infant,

Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms.

And then the whining schoolboy, with his Sun,

And shining morning face, creeping like slug

Unwillingly to school.

-- A Very Annoyed PDP-11
#
All things are possible, except skiing thru a
revolving door.
#
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
#
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't
expect to be paid back.
#
Always remember that you are unique.  Just like
everyone else.
#
Always try to do things in chronological order;
it's less confusing that way.
#
AMAZING BUT TRUE ...

There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if
it were spread out it would completely cover the
Sahara Desert.
#
America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and
was named after him, until people got tired of
living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed
its name to "America".

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's
Almanac"
#
American business long ago gave up on demanding
that prospective employees be honest and
hardworking.  It has even stopped hoping for
employees who are educated enough that they can
tell the difference between the men's room and
the women's room without having little pictures
on the doors.

-- Dave Barry, "Urine Trouble, Mister"
#
"Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I
forgot it."
#
An American's a person who isn't afraid to
criticize the President but is always polite to
traffic cops.
#
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
#
Anarchy may not be the best form of government,
but it's better than no government at all.
#
"And what will you do when you grow up to be as
big as me?" aked the father of his little son.

"Diet."
#
Anthony's Law of Force:

Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
#
Anthony's Law of the Workshop:

Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least
accessible corner of the workshop.



Corollary:

On the way to the corner of the workshop the tool
will first roll over your toes.
#
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell
belongs there.

-- Sydney J. Harris
#
... Any resemblance between the above views and
those of my employer, my terminal, or the view
out my window are purely coincidental.  Any
resemblance between the above and my own views is
non-deterministic.  The question of the existence
of views in the absence of anyone to hold them is
left as an exercise for the reader.  The question
of the existence of the reader is left as an
exercise for the second god coefficient.  (A
discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral
polytheism is beyond the scope of th is article.)
#
Any small object that is accidentally dropped
will hide under a larger object.
#
Any stone in your boot always migrates against
the pressure gradient to exactly the point of
most pressure.

-- Milt Barber
#
Any sufficiently advanced bug is
indistinguishable from a feature.

-- Rich Kulawiec
#
Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic.

-- Arthur C. Clarke
#
Any time things appear to be going better, you
have overlooked something.
#
Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of
a police car is probably parked.
#
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it
isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the
moment.

-- Robert Benchley
#
Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick
is to make one with none.
#
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not
fully human.  At best he is a tolerable subhuman
who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make
messes in the house.

-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
#
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy
from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a
baby.

-- Robin Hood
#
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
#
Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.
The label means the price went up.  The label
"ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW", or "GREAT NEW" means
the price went way up.
#
ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE - FIRST WORLD WAR
A MISTAKE
#
"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive."

-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
#
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty
without taking off your shoes.

-- Mickey Mouse
#
Arnold's Laws of Documentation:

(1) If it should exist, it doesn't.
(2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
(3) Only documentation for useless programs
transcends the first two laws.
#
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to
reality, they are not certain, and as far as they
are certain, they do not refer to reality.

-- Albert Einstein
#
Ask five economists and you'll get five different
explanations (six if one went to Harvard).

-- Edgar R. Fiedler
#
Ask your boss to reconsider - it's so difficult
to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
#
"Asked by reporters about his upcoming marriage
to a forty-two-year-old woman, director Roman
Polanski told reporters, `The way I look at it,
she's the equivalent of three fourteen-year-
olds.'"
-- David Letterman
#
At a recent meeting in Snowmass, Colorado, a
participant from Los Angeles fainted from
hyperoxygenation, and we had to hold his head
under the exhaust of a bus until he revived.
#
At no time is freedom of speech more precious
than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.

-- Marshall Lumsden
#
At the source of every error which is blamed on
the computer you will find at least two human
errors, including the error of blaming it on the
computer.
#
Automobile, n.:

A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and
down pedestrians.
#
Avoid reality at all costs.
#
Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional
warfare.
#
Baruch's Observation:

If all you have is a hammer, everything looks
like a nail.
#
Basic, n.:

A programming language.  Related to certain
social diseases in that those who have it will
not admit it in polite company.
#
BE ALERT!!!!  (The world needs more lerts ...)
#
Be braver - you can't cross a chasm in two small
jumps.
#
Be careful of reading health books, you might die
of a misprint.

-- Mark Twain
#
Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!  Things
won't get any better so get used to it.
#
Beifeld's Principle:

The probability of a young man meeting a
desirable and receptive young female increases by
pyramidal progression when he is already in the
company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a
better looking and richer male friend.
#
"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only
proved it correct, not tried it."

-- Donald Knuth
#
Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
#
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.

-- Leonard Brandwein
#
Biology is the only science in which
multiplication means the same thing as division.
#
Birth, n.:

The first and direst of all disasters.

-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#
Blore's Razor:

Given a choice between two theories, take the one
which is funnier.
#
Boling's postulate:

If you're feeling good, don't worry.  You'll get
over it.
#
Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom:

Project teams detest weekly progress reporting
because it so vividly manifests their lack of
progress.
#
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have
died.
#
Boob's Law:

You always find something in the last place you
look.
#
Bore, n.:

A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-
hour vocabulary.

-- Walter Winchell
#
Bradley's Bromide:

If computers get too powerful, we can organize
them into a committee - that will do them in.
#
Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:

When confronted by a difficult problem, you can
solve it more easily by reducing it to the
question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled
this?"
#
Brain, n.:

The apparatus with which we think that we think.

-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#
Brontosaurus Principle:

Organizations can grow faster than their brains
can manage them in relation to their environment
and to their own physiology:  when this occurs,
they are an endangered species.

-- Thomas K. Connellan
#
Brooke's Law:

Whenever a system becomes completely defined,
some damn fool discovers something which either
abolishes the system or expands it beyond
recognition.
#
Bucy's Law:

Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
#
Bug, n.:

An aspect of a computer program which exists
because the programmer was thinking about Jumbo
Jacks or stock options when s/he wrote the
program.
#
Bugs, pl. n.:

Small living things that small living boys throw
on small living girls.
#
Bumper sticker:

"All the parts falling off this car are of the
very finest British manufacture"
#
By doing just a little every day, you can
gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.
#
C, n.:

A programming language that is sort of like
Pascal except more like assembly except that it
isn't very much like either one, or anything
else.  It is either the best language available
to the art today, or it isn't.

-- Ray Simard
#
Cabbage, n.:

A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as
large and wise as a man's head.

-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#
Carelessly planned projects take three times
longer to complete than expected.  Carefully
planned projects take four times longer to
complete than expected, mostly because the
planners expect their planning to reduce the time
it takes.
#
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your
health.
#
Chapter 1
The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.  This
has made a lot of people very angry and been
widely regarded as a bad move.
#
Chemicals, n.:

Noxious substances from which modern foods are
made.
#
To be, or what?

-- Sylvester Stallone
#
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself
over for dinner.
#
I waited and waited, and when nobody called, I
knew it was from you.
#
There's a bug somewhere in your code.
#
Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.

[Add little to little and there will be a big
pile.]

-- Ovid
#
He'll sit here and he'll say, "Do this! Do that!"
And nothing will happen.

-- Harry S. Truman, on presidential power
#
Practice is the best of all instructors.

-- Publilius
#
It is common sense to take a method and try it.
If it fails, admit it frankly and try another.
But above all, try something.

-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
#
Things are always at their best in the beginning.
-- Pascal
#
A good workman is known by his tools.
#
The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold
piece of program documentation.

-- Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
#
The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time.
The last 10% of a project takes 90% of the time.
#
Mind your own business, Mr. Spock.  I'm sick of
your halfbreed interference.
#
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that
someone somewhere is having fun.
#
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist
and too rich to be a communist.
#
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
#
University: A modern school where football is
taught.
#
Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.
#
Don't eat yellow snow.  -- Frank Zappa
#
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
#
Everything you know is wrong.  -- The Firesign
Theater
#
God must love the common man; He made so many of
them.
#
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look
at it for hours.
#
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
#
If God had wanted man to fly, He would have given
him airline tickets.
#
It is easier to fight for one's principles than
to live up to them.
#
Today is the last day of your life so far.
#
We stand today at a crossroads:  One path leads
to despair and utter hopelessness.  The other
leads to total extinction.  Let us hope we have
the wisdom to make the right choice.

-- Woody Allen
#
Some people hope to achieve immortality through
their works or their children.  I would prefer to
achieve it by not dying.

- Woody Allen
#
The fourth law of thermodynamics: The perversity
of the universe tends towards a maximum.
#
Money talks... but all mine keeps saying is
"goodbye"
#
What can a pigeon do that a west Texas oil man
can't do anymore?

A pigeon can still make a deposit on a new
Mercedes.
#
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a
light bulb?

Only one, but it takes a really long time and the
light bulb has to want to change.
#
How many Californians does it take to change a
light bulb?

Four.  One to change the bulb and three to share
the experience.
#
How many programmers does it take to change a
light bulb?

None.  It's a hardware problem.
#
Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.

@i- Hassan I Sabbah



Bullshit.

@i- Karl
#
Just because everything is different doesn't mean
anything has changed.

-- Southern California Oracle
#
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

-- Sigmund Freud
#
When choosing between two evils I always like to
take the one I've never tried before.

-- Mae West
#
The rich will do anything for the poor but get
off their backs.

@i- Karl Marx



If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital,
had made a lot of it ... it would have been much
better.

@i- Karl Marx's Mother



(Sysop's note: I think this is a joke.  Can
anyone verify it?)
#
If you think the United States has stood still,
who built the largest shopping center in the
world?

-- Richard M. Nixon
#
He who shits on the road will meet flies on his
return.

-- South African Saying
#
Politicians should read science fiction, not
westerns and detective stories.

-- Arthur C. Clarke
#
It is necessary for me to establish a winner
image.  Therefore, I have to beat somebody.

-- Richard M. Nixon
#
Any smoothly functioning technology will have the
appearence of magic.

-- Arthur C. Clarke
#
Military intelligence is a contradiction in
terms.

-- Groucho Marx
#
Military intelligence - two words combined that
can't make sense.

-- Megadeth
#
I think that God in creating man somewhat
overestimated his ability.

-- Oscar Wilde
#
My religion consists of a humble admiration of
the illimitable superior spirit who reveals
himself in the slight details we are able to
perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

-- Albert Einstein
#
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the
manufacturers of space.

-- Graffiti
#
The most incomprehensible thing about the world
is that it is comprehensible.

-- Albert Einstein
#
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have
trouble doing it.

-- Tallulah Bankhead
#
We don't know who discovered water, but we are
certain it wasn't a fish.

-- John Culkin
#
Please don't lie to me, unless youre absolutely
sure I'll never find out the truth.

-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#
Please don't ask me what the score is, Im not
even sure what the game is.

-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#
I either want less corruption, or more chance to
participate in it.

-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy
doing it badly.

-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire
the problem.

-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#
Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I
may be going in the wrong direction.

-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually
let the task completely overwhelm me.

-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first,
and call whatever you hit the target.

-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#
America is the only country that went from
barbarism to decadence without civilization in
between.

-- Oscar Wilde
#
The flush toilet is the basis of Western
civilization.

-- Alan Coult
#
We are going to have peace even if we have to
fight for it.

-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
#
If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we
make violent revolution inevitiable.

-- John F. Kennedy
#
It takes a long time to understand nothing.

-- Edward Dahlberg
#
When more and more people are thrown out of work,
unemployment results.

-- Calvin Coolidge
#
If A equals success, then the formula is:

A= X + Y + Z

X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.

-- Albert Einstein
#
Sex is hereditary.  If your parents never had it,
chances are you wont either.

-- Joseph Fischer
#
Fourth Law of Thermodymanics:

If the probability of success is not almost one,
then it is damn near zero.

-- David Ellis
#
Vique's Law:

A man without religion is like a fish without a
bicycle.
#
If builders built buildings the way programmers
wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that
came along would destroy civilization.

-- Gerald Weinberg
#
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:

Nobody notices when things go right.
#
Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones
ignorance.

-- Confucius
#
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.

-- Graffiti
#
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I
didn't like it.

-- Samuel Goldwyn
#
"Software suppliers are trying to make their
software packages more 'user-friendly'.... Their
best approach, so far, has been to take all the
old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-
friendly' on the cover."

-- Bill Gates, Pres., Microsoft, Inc.
#
"The personal computer market is about the same
size as the total potato chip market. Next year
it will be about half the size of the pet food
market and is fast approaching the total
worldwide sales of pantyhose"

-- James Finke, Pres., Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982)
#
"There are a lot of lies going around.... and
half of them are true."

-- Winston Churchill
#
"Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most times he will pick himself up and carry
on..."

-- Winston Churchill
#
Life is not one thing after another...  it's the
same damn thing over and over!
#
After all is said and done, a lot more has been
said than done.
#
Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in
the universe, and he'll believe you....  Tell him
that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have
to touch it to be sure.
#
I really hate this damn machine,

I wish that they would sell it.

It never does just what I want,

But only what I tell it.
#
"Some people like my advice so much that they
frame it upon the wall instead of using it"

-- Gordon R. Dickson
#
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

-- Bert Lantz
#
"IBM uses what I like to call the 'hole-in-the-
ground technique' to destroy the competition.....
IBM digs a big HOLE in the ground and covers it
with leaves. It then puts a big POT OF GOLD
nearby. Then it gives the call, 'Hey, look at all
this gold, get over here fast.' As soon as the
competitor approaches the pot, he falls into the
pit"

-- John C. Dvorak
#
"There are things that are so serious that you
can only joke about them"

-- Heisenberg
#
"Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our
best ideas!"

-- Ben Jonson
#
That's the thing about people who think they hate
computers.  What they really hate is lousy
programmers.

-- Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle in "Oath of
Fealty"
#
The computer can't tell you the emotional story.
It can give you the exact mathematical design,
but what's missing is the eyebrows.

-- Frank Zappa
#
Things are not as simple as they seems at first.

-- Edward Thorp
#
There are two ways of constructing a software
design.  One way is to make it so simple that
there are obviously no deficiencies and the other
is to make it so complicated that there are no
obvious deficiencies.

-- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
#
In the pitiful, multipage, connection-boxed form
to which the flowchart has today been elaborated,
it has proved to be useless as a design tool -
programmers draw flowcharts after, not before,
writing the programs they describe.

-- Fred Brooks, Jr.
#
...computer hardware progress is so fast.  No
other technology since civilization began has
seen six orders of magnitude in performance-price
gain in 30 years.
-- Fred Brooks, Jr.
#
Einstein argued that there must be simplified
explanations of nature, because God is not
capricious or arbitrary.  No such faith comforts
the software engineer.
-- Fred Brooks, Jr.
#
The only way to learn a new programming language
is by writing programs in it.
-- Brian Kernighan
#
"The greatest warriors are the ones who fight for
peace."
-- Holly Near
#
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be
prosecuted.
#
Scientists will study your brain to learn more
about your distant cousin, Man.
#
Remember, Information is not knowledge;
Knowledge is not Wisdom;
Wisdom is not truth;
Truth is not beauty;
Beauty is not love;
Love is not music;
Music is the best.
-- Frank Zappa
#
No user-servicable parts inside.  Refer to
qualified service personnel.
#
Regarding astral projection, Woody Allen once
wrote, "This is not a bad way to travel, although
there is usually a half-hour wait for luggage."
#
Do not underestimate the value of print
statements for debugging.  Don't have aesthetic
convulsions when using them, either.
#
You see but you do not observe.

-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in "The Memoirs of
Sherlock Holmes"
#
For every problem there is one solution which is
simple, neat, and wrong.

-- H. L. Mencken
#
Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how
much you get done.

-- James J. Ling
#
A right is not what someone gives you; it's what
no one can take from you.

-- Ramsey Clark
#
In the future, you're going to get computers as
prizes in breakfast cereals.  You'll throw them
out because your house will be littered with
them.

-- Robert Lucky
#
How many hardware guys does it take to change a
light bulb?

"Well the diagnostics say it's fine buddy, so
it's a software problem."
#
"This isn't brain surgery; it's just television."

-- David Letterman
#
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you
say.
#
Don't change the reason, just change the excuses!

-- Joe Cointment
#
Don't get suckered in by the comments - they can
be terribly misleading.  Debug only code.

-- Dave Storer
#
Don't hit a man when he's down - kick him; it's
easier.
#
Don't take life too seriously - you'll never get
out if it alive.
#
Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be
just as effective.
#
Don't worry about the world coming to an end
today.  It's already tomorrow in Australia.

-- Charles Schultz
#
"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said
nothing."
#
Drew's Law of Highway Biology:

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands
directly in front of your eyes.
#
Eagleson's Law:

Any code of your own that you haven't looked at
for six or more months, might as well have been
written by someone else.

(Eagleson is an optimist, the real number is more
like 3 weeks.)
#
Earn cash in your spare time - blackmail your
friends
#
Ehrman's Commentary:

(1) Things will get worse before they get better.

(2) Who said things would get better?
#
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants
and trees.

-- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
#
Electrocution, n.:

Burning at the stake with all the modern
improvements.
#
Encyclopedia Salesmen:

Invite them all in.  Nip out the back door.
Phone the police and tell them your house is
being burgled.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's
Almanac"
#
Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.

Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.

-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
#
Error in operator: add beer
#
Ever notice that even the busiest people are
never too busy to tell you just how busy they
are.
#
Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby.  Our problem
is to find this woman and stop her.
#
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend
it.